Don't make out with my wife yet
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Text me some of your sweat
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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