I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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