I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
