a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
