Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
