did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
