smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
