Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
