i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
