the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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