Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
