Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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