i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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