Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
