I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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