I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
