Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
