Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Can you bring me the toilet please
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
