The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
