if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
pray to the hookup gods
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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