I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
