How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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