A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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