I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
