Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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