38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
