I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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