I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
