I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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