And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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