Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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