the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
BRING THE BAGELS
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
