Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
