Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
