Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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