i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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