i think i have herpe
just one?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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