forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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