How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
