Swine flu. Run for my life!
he thought i was a dude.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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