Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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