do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
