So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
