help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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