There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
