that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
