You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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