i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
