There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
please come you make the beer taste better
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
