My first STD was from a foam party
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
