Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
