i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
